you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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