I think I won the penis lottery.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
