True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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