We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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