she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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