I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
