help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
