Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
