What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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