my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize