evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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