My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
