Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
