Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
