Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
