If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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