So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
