I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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