You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
