I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize