What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
