I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
