My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
