Dual....:-)
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
