So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
