I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
