somebody snuck up and got me drunk
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
