Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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