your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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