You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
