For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
