At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
handjob tips. give me some.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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