I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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