man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize