dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
