The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
