look no pants
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
