im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
