I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
