Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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