I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
