Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
