trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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