Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
