You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
