I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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