When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
