I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
