Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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