wrigley field is MILF paradise
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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