I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
