what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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