So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
