she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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