Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
