He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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