Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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