You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
