Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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