I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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