I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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