Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
