You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
