I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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