omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
we're so committed to being not committed
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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