don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
A+ Viking dick
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