Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just found puke in my bra..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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