I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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