I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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