All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize