i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
