i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
