i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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