I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think your dad took our porno
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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