eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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