The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize