why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
