we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is it penis luge time yet?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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