Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
