I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
