My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize