thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i came on her dog
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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