He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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