I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
