He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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