Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
