She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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