also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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