Already got asked if we're dating
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
