Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
