she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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