how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
