He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
