dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
