Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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