It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Randomize